The myth of the strong one

I am not going to tell you that being strong is wrong. I am not going to give you a speech about vulnerability or explain the psychological cost of emotional suppression or tell you that it is okay to be weak.

You already know all of that. And it probably hasn't changed anything.

What I want to say instead is simpler.

I am here to hold the strong ones. Because sometimes you have no other choice. Sometimes the situation genuinely requires you to be the one who holds it together, and there is no version of the story where you get to put it down right now. I understand that. I am not here to talk you out of your strength.

I am here for when you get tired from that role. And you will get tired. Not because you are weak. Because you are human, and humans were not designed to be strong indefinitely without somewhere to put it down.

Research on emotional suppression in romantic relationships has found something worth knowing: suppressing your emotions does not make them disappear. It makes them louder in the body and quieter on the surface. A study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that people who suppressed their emotions during acts of care in relationships experienced worse emotional wellbeing over time. The suppression, the researchers found, sours the sacrifice. Not the caring. The hiding of what the caring costs.

There is also what chronic emotional labor does to the body. The work of managing your feelings so that others are not burdened by them is not invisible to the nervous system. It registers as effort. It depletes the same resources that stress depletes.

Being strong, in other words, has a biological cost. And that cost accumulates whether you acknowledge it or not.

So I am not asking you to stop being strong. I am asking you to have somewhere to put the weight of it. A place that is yours. A place where the strong one gets to be human for a moment.

That is what this is.

And when you are ready, I will be here.